When Your Dream Shifts

Have you ever had a dream, a passion... pursued it... and it wasn't what you expected?

I've experienced that.

When I worked my last full-time job, two years ago, all I wanted to do was write.

I wrote the majority of my first novel while I still had a full-time job.

I loved writing so much, and I was sure I could "make it" as a writer, I quit that full-time job back in May of 2011.

I was a full-time writer.

Now I'm questioning if that is truly the career path for me.

Writing is still an interest.  Still something I intend on pursuing, on doing.  But once I added the pressure of having to make a living as a writer... I noticed a shift.  I no longer wanted to write.  I felt like I had to write.
So for the past week and a half, I've been seeking traditional employment again.

And honestly, I'm more surprised than anyone that I actually want a traditional, full-time job again.  I never thought I would.  I never thought I'd "go back."

But I don't think of it as "going back."  I'm moving forward.  I'm growing.  Growing up.

It's funny, but I felt it distinctly a couple weeks ago.  Like in that moment, that very second, I grew up.

I've always been a late bloomer.

I'm 36 and just now getting married (I've never felt ready for that committment before).
And I'm 36 and just now feeling ready for a full-time, real, grown-up job.

I remember my first job out of college.  I was a 6th grade teacher.  I often felt like a kid doing a grown up's job.

Now I feel like a grown up.  I've been excited looking for full-time jobs.  I'm excited about the future again.