Tuesday, March 10, 2015

You Become What You Fear

"If you fear the boogeyman, you become the boogeyman."

I heard that quote, oddly enough, on the new TV drama, "Secrets and Lies." But it jumped out at me.

When we fear something, we tend to obsess about it. Play it over and over in our minds. The worst-case scenario. And as Wayne Dyer is known to teach, "We get what we think about."

Oftentimes when we are so deathly afraid of something, we obsess over it so much, and we gradually become whatever it is we're so afraid of happening to us.

My personal fear (one of many), but the one I'm dealing with most prominently at the moment is trust. Specifically, trusting other people to be there for me and not intentionally hurt me or abandon me.

I am so afraid of people leaving me. Not being there for me when I need them. Or doing things that they know will hurt me to the core, but not caring and doing it anyway. I'm afraid of not mattering to other people - specifically the most important people in my life.

So what do I do? I have a tendency to keep people at arm's-length. To leave them before they leave me. To not need them. I become the one that others can't trust, the very person I'm afraid of others being to me.

I'm working on this. I've been working on this for years, and I will say, I am improving in this area. But it's still an ongoing issue for me. A struggle that pops up from time to time and sometimes doesn't leave me for days or weeks.

What's the answer?

To stop obsessing!

I know, easier said than done. Much easier said than done, if you're like me.

But also to face your fears. Stop fearing whatever it is. And usually the cure to end fear is to look at it with all the lights on and your eyes open. See it for what it IS...not shrouded in the darkness of your fear.

This takes work. It takes time. Most importantly, it takes a conscious effort to want to change.

But fear isn't fun. It's downright miserable. So I believe it's worth the effort and the patient reminders to yourself to stay focused and not get engulfed by the fear. To remember to open your eyes, turn on the lights, and look the object of your fear in its face! Most likely it's not as scary as you think.

So what about me and my fear of not being able to trust people? I'm turning on the lights and looking at the specific situation(s) that trigger that fear response, and see if there's really anything there to be afraid of. And if there is, by chance, to face it with courage and a knowing that I have what it takes.

In Peace and Love,

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