Respect and Peace

"When we respect someone, we're able to be at peace in their presence by suspending our inclination to be arrogant."  -- page 221

I read this in Wayne Dyer's book, "Inspiration," the other day and it stood out to me. The more it sank in, the more it resonated.

Think about the people who you have a hard time being at peace around. Do you respect them?

The answer to this question for myself was a resounding "No."

At first I didn't want to admit this. Who wants to admit that they don't respect other human beings? It's not a nice thing to admit, after all. And I like to think that I do respect all living things. But if I'm being truly honest with myself, I realize that's not 100% the case.

There are certain individuals in my life that I just seem to be on a different vibration than. There's nothing "wrong" with them, it's just like we don't speak the same language sometimes. Ok...a lot of the time.

These are the people who I often find stressful to be around. In other words, I have a difficult time being fully at peace when in their presence.

I hadn't equated this to not respecting them until I read Wayne Dyer's words. I still feel that I do respect these individuals (and all people) for the most part. But when around these people, I have a hard time getting out of my ego mind. As Wayne states, I have an inclination to fall into arrogance... feeling like I have to prove myself in some way.

It's interesting to me... this relationship between respect and peace.

                                     

On the flip side, when I think about the people, or living beings (because it's often not people at all), that I do fully, completely respect... I am totally at peace.

I feel this way when around animals and nature. That's because there is no need to prove myself to those beings. But humans are a different story.

This is something I need to work on. This quote, and this blog post, has made me see that even more. Respecting other people doesn't have anything to do with them. It comes from within. Also, you can't fully respect someone else until you respect yourself. After all, we all are part of the same source.

Respecting myself is something I've struggled with my whole adult life. So begin there.

As the quote above says, "Peace begins with love and respect." To fully be at peace, you need to start with mastering loving yourself and all others, as well as respecting yourself and all others.

Drop the arrogance. 
Focus on love and respect. 
Relish in the peace you will feel there.  

Always Strive to be the Person You Want to Be

We all have our good days and our bad days. Our proud moments and our not-so-proud moments. The sides of ourselves we try to keep hidden from others, lest they run away from us in shame and disgust. The lesson here is to always strive to be better.

A better version of you.

Strive for more of those proud moments...where your love and grace shine through. That's not to say to push down those ungraceful parts of your personality. On the contrary. Embrace them...but at the same time make a conscious effort to improve upon them.

And thanks to the Universe, thanks to God, we get new opportunities to grow and "be better" every day.

          


There was a specific part of Elizabeth Gilbert's Facebook post yesterday that jumped out at me. Here it is: 

"Kindness says to the angry person, to the bitter person, to the difficult person, to the scary person: 'I may not understand you, but I understand that it's difficult to be a human being, and I'm sorry you're suffering. We are all just children of God here, doing our best.'"

"It is difficult to be a human being." 

We all get this. We all wish others were more lenient with us... so why are we often so hard on others? Why are we so judgmental, critical, and downright mean...when in actuality, they are likely not doing anything worse than what we've done. 

Sure, it may look different on someone else. They might choose to express their humanity -- their less-than-perfect-ness --  in different ways than we do. But it's all the same. We're all human. Just doing our darndest out here. 

This reminder has been showing up in my life again and again recently. Definitely the Universe telling me I need to improve in this area (as is usually the case when you notice a recurrent theme in your life). 

So I'm trying. No -- I'm doing. I'm doing my best. As is everyone else.  

New Normal

Hi my lovely readers!!  It has been a long time since I've written and I apologize for that. On October 13, 2015, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. So I have been adjusting, or trying my best to adjust, to my new life as a mother. And that's what I decided to write about today...

Throughout our lives, we often encounter twists and turns and need to reestablish our footing and identity. This has certainly been the case for me.
         
                                           

I am thrilled to be a mother and am excited to watch my son grow up and become who he's meant to become. But at the same time, I feel a certain sense of loss of myself. At least for now (my son is 5 weeks old), I'm unable to do a lot of what I used to enjoy before this huge life change. I haven't been able to run or work out like I used to. I haven't even been able to take my dogs out on long walks like I enjoy doing on a daily basis. And I certainly haven't been able to write lately.

I have felt feelings similar to this in the past. Feelings that my life is suddenly changed, usually for the better, but still, I have to adjust to a new normal.

This happens when I've gotten a new job, become involved in a new relationship, when I got married, and now most recently, when I had my baby. Each major life change involved a period of adjustment. And I am presently in the biggest life change of my life.

Where will I go from here? What will be the next step? How will my life look once things settle down? I have no idea.

What I am struggling with is figuring out who I am among all this change. A big part of my identity was that of an independent woman. A single independent women...until I got married. Can I still be an independent woman, as a mother? I believe I can. I just have to figure out how.

Other parts of my identity include being a runner, a competitive 5k participant, an animal caregiver, a world traveler, a risk-taker, and a writer. Can I still be all these things? I believe I can...someday...and somehow. Right now? No. Tomorrow? Probably not. But someday soon.

Whether planned or totally unexpected, life changes. It's what keeps things interesting, right? The key to success is to relax and feel your way through these changes. Follow your heart. Your next steps will appear. You'll know what to do and when to do it.

Trust that. Believe it. I do.

The quote below stood out to me. Life as a mother certainly is harder than life as a single person. Whatever your life change is, it may be harder too. Changes usually at least seem harder at first. Until we adjust. Until we become stronger and competent in our new role.

And this takes time. Be patient. Do your best. That's all any of us can do. Just get a little stronger every day.

                  

Moving Forward

Sometimes moving forward in life isn't easy. Even when it's something you want to do. Even when it's a good move. Even when it's the next logical step. Sometimes it's just hard and sad anyway.

And that's ok. It's all a part of this human experience we're having together.

This was my experience today.

The situation is a move. Over the past several weeks, my husband and I have been moving into our new home. Doing repairs, updates, taking carloads of stuff every trip, etc. Then the "big" moving day came last weekend. That's when we finally started staying here.

You'd think all of THAT would have triggered my emotional body to know I am changing residences, but didn't apparently didn't fully sink in. Until today.

Today I met with the people who will be renting out my previous home. We decided to rent it, as opposed to selling it, and fortunately, were able to do that.

All this week I had been cleaning that house, now that all our stuff was finally out of it. And I have to say, I did NOT enjoy the cleaning!

But today when I showed up (the renters weren't there yet), I was overcome by emotion. While it's still "my" house, legally, I no longer live there. I'll no longer park my car in the driveway.

As I walked up to the front door, I couldn't help but notice the deafening silence. I would no longer hear my dogs barking to greet me arriving home there.

As I opened the door, the emptiness of the place brought even more tears to my eyes. No more sitting in that living room, watching out the front window. "My" bedroom was no longer my bedroom. The deck in back that I built with my dad just a couple of years ago... I would no longer get to sit on and enjoy overlooking the huge backyard as my dogs chased squirrels along the fence.

The finality of all this really sunk in for me today. And I feel like I'm in mourning.

Mourning the loss of that period of my life. 

I bought that house as a single woman. The location was ideal. The size of the home was ideal. The backyard was perfect. I lived there for 7 years. My current 3 dogs, and 3 cats, know no other home with me.

Even when my husband moved in, and I called it "our" house, in my heart, it still felt like "my" house. And it always will, I realize now.

But the "me" that purchased that house 7 years ago is not the same me I am today.

Now I am a married woman with a child on the way. And the house we just moved to... I feel THIS is my "family home." The home I will raise my children in. The home I share with my husband. It is OUR home.

It's bittersweet.

I have no doubt this was the right move for me. It was the next step along my journey of life. I have no regrets. But that doesn't mean I don't have sadness and feel a sense of loss.

I'm sure in time, as I build more memories in this new house with my family, it will get easier. I know that.

Just now... today... as I handed over possession of "my" home, it felt like a chapter of my life had finally come to an end. The chapter that was close to ending, as I read the last few pages... packing, moving, etc... has finally ended.

Single girl living on her own in the perfect house has moved on to the now-perfect house for a wife and mother.

What's perfect for us at one stage of our life won't always be.

My last house was perfect for me then. But it is small for a family (it's only 2 bedroom/1 bath). And my house now is perfect for my family moving forward. 

                                    

You Become What You Fear

"If you fear the boogeyman, you become the boogeyman."

I heard that quote, oddly enough, on the new TV drama, "Secrets and Lies." But it jumped out at me.

When we fear something, we tend to obsess about it. Play it over and over in our minds. The worst-case scenario. And as Wayne Dyer is known to teach, "We get what we think about."

Oftentimes when we are so deathly afraid of something, we obsess over it so much, and we gradually become whatever it is we're so afraid of happening to us.

My personal fear (one of many), but the one I'm dealing with most prominently at the moment is trust. Specifically, trusting other people to be there for me and not intentionally hurt me or abandon me.

I am so afraid of people leaving me. Not being there for me when I need them. Or doing things that they know will hurt me to the core, but not caring and doing it anyway. I'm afraid of not mattering to other people - specifically the most important people in my life.

So what do I do? I have a tendency to keep people at arm's-length. To leave them before they leave me. To not need them. I become the one that others can't trust, the very person I'm afraid of others being to me.

I'm working on this. I've been working on this for years, and I will say, I am improving in this area. But it's still an ongoing issue for me. A struggle that pops up from time to time and sometimes doesn't leave me for days or weeks.

What's the answer?

To stop obsessing!

I know, easier said than done. Much easier said than done, if you're like me.

But also to face your fears. Stop fearing whatever it is. And usually the cure to end fear is to look at it with all the lights on and your eyes open. See it for what it IS...not shrouded in the darkness of your fear.

This takes work. It takes time. Most importantly, it takes a conscious effort to want to change.

But fear isn't fun. It's downright miserable. So I believe it's worth the effort and the patient reminders to yourself to stay focused and not get engulfed by the fear. To remember to open your eyes, turn on the lights, and look the object of your fear in its face! Most likely it's not as scary as you think.

So what about me and my fear of not being able to trust people? I'm turning on the lights and looking at the specific situation(s) that trigger that fear response, and see if there's really anything there to be afraid of. And if there is, by chance, to face it with courage and a knowing that I have what it takes.

In Peace and Love,
Sarah

Our Greatest Teachers Are Those We Least Expect

I was reading Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" just now and a thought struck me so profoundly that I was compelled to put the book down and write this blog post.

"When you are no longer totally identified with forms, consciousness -- who you are -- becomes freed from its imprisonment in form. This freedom is the arising of inner space. It comes as a stillness, a subtle peace deep within you." (p. 226)

That was exactly what I was reading when the following thought popped into my mind:

The people you don't like or have a difficult time accepting are the very ones who are here to make you a better person. 

Not quite sure how the Tolle passage and my thought are related, but they seem to be somehow.

But anyway, I've been struggling lately with this one particular individual. This person has the unique ability to get to me like no one else. I have thought many times, if I never see or hear of this person again in my entire life, that would be wonderful!

But at the same time I know this person is in my life for a reason. A purpose. Even though I would say I don't particularly like this person. Even though I feel this person causes me way more stress and anxiety than anything or anyone else. Even so...this person is most definitely in my life for me. A gift from the Universe, nonetheless.

So how would someone who ignites such stress and unpleasant feelings make me a better person?

By teaching me patience. Acceptance. Understanding of those different from me. A reminder that life is a symphony and everyone has a part to play. Even the person playing the triangle.

When the thought popped into my mind, I was awash in a sudden sense of peace. And as I type this, I feel even more overcome by that peace.

I know full well that I've been causing my own suffering by focusing so intently on how much I dislike this person and how much I wish they were not in my life. Yet, even though I know that... I still did it. I still got pulled into that ego black hole. Where I have resided for the past couple of days (most recently).

My mind searched for ways to get this person out of my life. My thoughts went round and round about why is this person in my life? Why are they doing this to me? As if it was all about me in the first place.

I can look back at my interactions with this individual and see that I haven't behaved the best. I haven't been mean to them, mind you... I've done the best I could at each moment. But underneath it all was the feeling that I didn't want them there.

This is just one person, you say. How can one person stir up so much inner turmoil? Why couldn't I just forget about them? Avoid them?

Because my mind wouldn't let me.

I've also been thinking a lot of the part in "The Untethered Soul," by Michael Singer where he talks about the thorn in the person's arm. How the thorn is very painful and troublesome, and so the person goes to great lengths to avoid hitting this painful thorn in their arm. When all along the person just needed to remove the thorn.

Michael Singer explains that's how it is with any problem in our life. We often tend to try to avoid the problem, push it down, work around it. But what we really need to do to ease the pain and suffering is  remove our obsession with it. Stop revolving our life around this thorn in our arm (our stress, pain, anxiety) and instead let go of the stress/anxiety.

Back to the title of this post. Our greatest teachers are often those we least expect. Sure, we can learn many positive traits from amazing people who we love. But we can often learn even more from the people we don't like. The people we wish we didn't have to deal with.

We learn about ourselves. And we grow as humans. If we let ourselves. If we open up and truly get the lesson that each person is here to teach us.

In Peace and Love,
Sarah

                                     

Welcome to Adulthood

My grandma passed away one week ago today. February 13, 2015.

She was the person in this world I could count on the most. Above all others.

As a child, she was the one who cared for me when my mother would be out of town or working. As I grew up, I went to Mamaw's house on a regular basis because I was most comfortable and felt most at home with her.

She was one of my best friends for 37 years...and now she is gone from this world. Physically-speaking anyway. I know she is still with me spiritually, and always will be. That brings me comfort.

The point of this post today, though, is to share that since my grandma passed, I now feel like a "grown up."

While she was living, I always knew I could go to her if I needed anything. I could always count on her support, including financially, if needed.

Not that I relied on her a lot, but she did take care of me in many ways throughout my life. And now that she is gone, it's on me. It's time I step up to the plate of adulthood and take care of myself. Fully.

Yesterday I finished the online course, and first step, towards getting my real estate broker's license. I take the state exam next week and already know a couple of people who plan on buying or selling their home in the next few months, so hopefully that will mean business for me.

I still think about my novels. I have one that is nearly finished, and has been since December. I put it on the back burner when I shifted my focus to real estate, and then the last weeks of my grandma when she needed more care and attention.

I still wonder if I could "make it" as a fiction novelist. And I still do not know the answer. I continue to have book sales, though minimal, even while doing no promoting or marketing for my books. There is a definite part of me that is sad about "giving up" on that dream. Not that I've given up entirely, but I feel the need to do something else...something more "traditional" to earn an income. I can still write on the side.

I have no idea what the future holds.  All I know is with the passing of my beloved Mamaw, I feel like my childhood is finally passed as well. Time to grow up. Take some real responsibility for my life. And steer myself in the best direction I can.

I'd love to hear about your defining moments of adulthood. What happened in your life that made you feel like childhood was finally, once and for all, over?  Or what brought childhoood back for you?

In Peace and Love,
Sarah