I'm still learning how to continue to love, and be Open in Love, even when I get disappointed. Especially in my relationships. When someone I'm close to does something that I don't understand and find disappointing, I don't know how to deal with that without getting judgmental.
Here is where the lesson is coming from for me right now: My mom smokes. She's smoked since before I was born. She smokes less now than she used to, and rarely around other people, but she still smokes. I've hated this my entire life and have tried to get her to quit since I could talk.
Yesterday I walked into their cabin here at the lake in Tennessee and immediately knew she was smoking. It was in the air and I could barely stand to be in the room. But here the thing... she tries to hide it. She put her cigarette out as soon as I walked in (and told her I came to use the stove, so it wasn't like I was just in and out). I think she thinks she can smoke a cigarette now and then, and if nobody sees her, no one will know.
I don't know if she doesn't smell the smoke in the room, or thinks other people won't smell it, or what. But when I walked into the room and smelled the smoke, my immediate reaction was disappointment. Not so much disappointment in her for doing that to herself, but disappointment in her doing that to other people.
I view smoking as the ultimate act of inconsideration. Nothing triggers my judgmental nature quicker than seeing someone light up. Perhaps that's my lesson. I need to work on my own judgmentalness.
I also had a revelation on this topic while reading The Daily Love yesterday. I had started this blog, saving it for today. Then I went to TDL. And I was reminded that others are mirrors of ourselves. Perhaps my intolerance of smoking, and how I can't stand how inconsiderate the act is, is a mirror of how I act out of inconsideration at times.
I don't smoke and never have. But I have been inconsiderate of others in other ways. We all have. Sometimes we may not be aware, or sometimes we may not even care. But it happens.
I think this is just more work for my ego. My ego wants things the way it wants things. It wants people to do what it thinks is right and good. So when people make different choices, the ego gets disappointed and judgmental.
Yes, I think that's it. Once again, I came to this realization as I typed out this blog.
When I feel disappointed in someone else's actions and choices, I can use that as yet another reminder to let go of my ego. To pause. Take a step back. Step back into Spirit, and out of ego. To let the energy of disappointment to just flow through me. Don't block it. Don't ignore it or push it down. Recognize it. Feel it. And let it go.
It's normal to feel disappointment. Just like any other human feeling that we'd rather not feel -- jealousy, anger, sadness. It's in the Fear family. And what do we do with fear-based emotions? Let them go. Just relax and release. Let the Love rise to the surface again.
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