Would you like to have no more problems? For the rest of your life? According to Michael Singer (author of "The Untethered Soul"), that's possible. It's possible because problems are what you create in your own mind when you resist life's events.
Life is basically a series of events. These events aren't good or bad, they're just events. We're the ones who assign the labels "good" and "bad" to different things. That's why in actuality, there are no "problems." There are only our own fears, desires, and resistance.
"One should view their spiritual work as learning to live without stress, problems, fear, or melodrama....Stress only happens when you resist life's events. If you're neither pushing life away, nor pulling it toward you, then you are not creating any resistance. You are simply present," (Singer, p. 149).
"Pushing life away" and "pulling it toward you." How many times have you done either or both of those things? I know I've tried to push away plenty. All that stuff I didn't want. Push it away. Avoid it. Pretend it doesn't exist. And all the stuff I do want... I do whatever I can to pull it toward me. Make it happen.
All this pushing and pulling creates friction, tension, and stress. At the times I was doing the pushing and pulling I felt the stress, certainly. But I didn't know any other way. It just seemed like "what we do" as humans. And truly... it is what most humans do. We try to assert our desires on life. That's why so many of us (nearly all of us) have problems. When we "solve" one problem, another comes in it's place. It's because of all that pushing, pulling, and resisting we're doing. And we can stop!
Michael Singer had an interesting take on the whole resistance thing:
"We actually assert our will in opposition to the flow of life. If something happens that we don't like, we resist it. But since what we're resisting has already taken place, what good is it to resist?...The fact is, it cannot even be argued that we're resisting the actual situation. For instance, if somebody says something that we don't like, obviously our resistance won't stop them from having said it. What we're really resisting is the experience of the event passing through us. We don't want it affecting us inside. We know it is going to make mental and emotional impressions that will not fit with what's already in there.
The initial sensory observation touches our mental and emotional energy pools, creating movements in that energy....The assertion of willpower can stop the energy transfer, and that's what creates tension. You can wear yourself out struggling with the experience of a single event....Since the event has already passed, you are actually struggling with yourself, not with the event....Events happen and we continue to hold their energy inside of us by resisting them....Over time, the energies can build up to the point that a person becomes so blocked that they either blow up or shut down completely," (p. 150-151).
I don't know about you, but I know I've worn myself out struggling with one particular event that already happened. I held onto it. I cried about it. I talked about it again and again. I analyzed it. All of that energy over something that's already over! When all I really needed to do was relax, let the event pass through me as energy, and just let it float away. Certainly, I was struggling with myself and not the event, as it was done and over with. I was in a struggle with my fears.
And as Singer says how "over time, the energies can build up to the point that a person can become so blocked that they either blow up or shut down completely," that's what happened with me. I see now that that's what happened when I ended my relationship (part one of the relationship) with my boyfriend a few months ago. I had let all my fear-based energies build up and block me completely. That's why I knew of no other way "out" than to shut down and remove myself from the entire situation.
I was tired of struggling. I had reached my struggling limit, if you will. I had held onto everything, resisting everything that incited the fear inside of me. I didn't know how to let it go. I didn't know there was another way. So I assumed the only way to not struggle and not live in constant stress and fear, was to get out of the relationship.
Now, thankfully, I know there is another way. I see now that I was creating the struggle. That I was creating the stress. And I can stop it. Just as you can.
That's one of the most amazing things to me. That we can stop our struggle and stop our pain right now. Right this second. All it takes is letting go. Relaxing. Letting the energies pass through us, and not grabbing onto it and holding it inside, blocking it from passing through.
This is where we get really powerful. I had known about the power of thought and about manifestation for some years now. I have had personal success with affirmations creating the very things I wanted in my life. But I was also trying to use manifesting and affirmations to avoid things. Not just to draw positive things to me, but to prevent negative things from occurring.
Of course "negative" events still occurred, so I'd try to push them away and/or get away from them myself somehow. Avoidance. Resistance. What I now know to do is to not push away or get away from "negative" events. To see them as mere events. And let the experience pass on through. Let it go. Stop holding onto it for goodness sakes! I don't want it, so why would I grab ahold of it and refuse to let it go?
I was resisting it. Resisting its existence. How silly is that? Resisting that something exists? It exists. Let it be. Whatever "it" is... let it go. It's neither good nor bad. It just is. Just like every other event. If you feel uncomfortable emotions swirling up inside of you, brought on by that event, take that as your reminder to remain open. Keep your heart open! That's the key to all of this.
Our natural self-protection tendency is to close our hearts and resist what we do not want. This creates the struggle, stress, anxiety, tension, fear, etc. So stay open! Relax. Visualize your heart staying open. And let the experience of the event pass on through you. You have to let it through. It's when we don't let it through, when we resist, that creates blockages inside us and creates our suffering.
All of this is in our hands. That's the beautiful part.
Here's what Michael Singer says about this:
"[C]arefully watch the mental voice that tells you to resist something. It literally commands you: 'I don't like what he said. Fix it.'...[L]et whatever happens make it through you, rather than carrying it into the next moment. That doesn't mean you don't deal with what happens....[F]irst let the energy make it through you. If you don't, you will not actually be dealing with the current event, you will be dealing with your own blocked energies from the past....[B]egin dealing with each situation with acceptance. Acceptance means that events can make it through you without resistance," (p. 153).
On the next page Michael talks about relationships specifically.
"Imagine if you used relationships to get to know other people, rather than to satisfy what is blocked inside of you....If you're not so busy judging and resisting people based upon what is blocked inside of you, you will find that they are much easier to get along with -- and so are you," (p. 154).
This was helpful for me to hear. I admit, I often have a hard time in relationships with other people. Not just romantic relationships, but with friendships and just dealing with people in general. I know part of it is my own fears that people don't really like me, so that fear is affecting the energy I bring when I interact with anyone.
So what Michael said really hit home with me. I have been busy judging and resisting other people based on my own blockages. I can be very judgmental. I've always known this about myself, and it was my "answer" when asked the question "What's your biggest flaw?" I knew this, but I didn't know how to change it. I also didn't know why I was so judgmental. I didn't realize it came from fear. And as I've talked about on here plenty, I've lived in a lot of fear.
This is an eye-opening moment for me. Tying my judgmental nature to my inner fear. Let go of the fear and the judgmental-ness will also fade. Let energies pass through me, instead of resisting it and judging it.
I'm also seeing the connection of how much I was letting fear run my life, and how judgmental I was, to the number of people in my life. I've always been a one-on-one type of person. I prefer fewer, close friends, than lots of not-so-close friends. But at the same time I've also longed for more friends. Besides my two sisters, who I consider friends, and my boyfriend, I have basically one good friend. One person who if I had to "ask a friend," she'd be the only person I'd ask. I've been trying to branch out, and have made connections with some new people. But my entire adult life, I've found it incredibly difficult to really make new friends.
I've tried. I've gone to social events, alone, and talked to new people. I've put myself out there. And I didn't understand why people weren't wanting to be my friend. Now I see it is probably because of the energy I've been putting out that I wasn't aware of. All that judging I was doing. When I'd meet someone new, I'd instantly go into judging mode. I'd assess whether or not I wanted them as my friend. If they were the "type of person" I wanted to hang out with. It was like an interview, and the other person didn't realize it.
Jeez! It's no wonder why people weren't lining up to be my friend! I was making it way too difficult! I was blocking any kind of natural friendship from taking place. I was trying to control the whole situation.
"The way to work with resistance is by relaxing....If you relax and release, you will see that it puts you through tremendous spiritual growth. You'll start to feel an enormous amount of energy awaken inside of you. You will feel much more love than you've ever felt before. You will feel more peace and contentment, and eventually nothing will ever disturb you again.
You can truly reach a state in which you never have any more stress, tension, or problems for the rest of your life. You just have to realize that life is giving you a gift, and that gift is the flow of events that takes place between your birth and your death. These events are exciting, challenging, and create tremendous growth. To comfortably handle this flow of life, your heart and mind must be open and expansive enough to encompass reality. The only reason they're not is because you resist. Learn to stop resisting reality, and what used to look like stressful problems will begin to look like the stepping-stones of your spiritual journey," (p. 155).
Doesn't that sound so good? And the best part is we can live in that world!
I just love the line, "Life is giving you a gift, and that gift is the flow of events that takes place between your birth and your death."
Truly, everything IS a gift. It's in our judging and our resisting that we see events, people, and situations as anything but gifts. In actuality, everything is a gift. Every person we encounter. Every event that takes place. Every situation we find ourselves in. Stop resisting and allow it to be the gift that it is! Let the energy pass through you. Stop resisting. Stop blocking that energy flow. For then our real power will come to the surface.
When we resist and block energy, we're also blocking our own energy. And that energy is powerful! In our vain attempts to resist what we believe we don't want, we're simultaneously blocking what we do want.
I'll say it again (for myself as much as anyone reading this). Stop resisting. Accept life, and everyone and everything in it, as the gift that it is. Relish those gifts... don't block them.
Because the more you keep yourself open, and let energy pass through you, the more your own energy will expand and you'll reach your full potential!
I'm just so excited! I'm excited to live with no more resistance! To let energies pass through me now, and not feel like I have to block them or hold onto them. To live more in the present moment and enjoy everything as the gift that it is.
None of us knows what life will throw at us. But the beauty in that is no matter what we experience, we can know, without a doubt, that it's FOR us. It's ALL good!