My boyfriend is at my house right now working on a resume on the computer in the other room. I am sitting in the living room, doing my own work on my laptop. There's no TV on or music, so the house is calm and quiet.
My boyfriend just got a phone call and all I could hear (obviously) was his side of it. I couldn't tell for sure who he was talking to, though based on the topic discussed, I figured it was likely either one of his parents or his ex-wife (they were talking about something financial-related). Immediately I felt my insides close up. Is it her? I wondered.
Then I realized it was the perfect opportunity to practice all these things I've been learning.
So I sat in the living room (yes, I was listening to his conversation) and observed my feelings. I reminded myself that they're just energy flowing. I remembered how in the past I would instantly, or pretty quickly, jump down the black hole and get all paranoid and insecure. My mind would be reeling. My blood pressure would go up. I'd feel nervous, tense, and afraid. All for no good reason, except my own fear.
This time, though, I just sat with the feeling. I reminded myself that it's just energy, and kept reminding myself to stay open and let it flow through me.
It was quite interesting!
I literally kept repeating the single word, "Open," "Open," "Open." This reminds me to keep my heart open and mind relaxed. It also prevents my mind from forming other negative, fear-based thoughts and making the situation something it doesn't have to be.
I felt the same energy I have felt in the past when I knew he was talking to her (or I suspected he was). The same fear-based energy. Only the difference is, in the past I went with it. My mind went all sorts of crazy, insecure places. I attached to those fear-based thoughts. And that's where the downward spiral would start.
This time, while feeling that same energy, I just observed. I repeated the word, "Open," and remained calm.
And here's the cool part. It was like I could literally feel the energy moving through me.
Not getting blocked up like before. And not turning into fearful drama like before. Not causing me more suffering like before.
Just energy moving through me.
This was a great experience! For one, I'm proud of how I handled it. And I'm excited that the techniques I've been learning and teaching worked!
The two keys:
1. Stay Open -- don't block or stifle
2. Observe -- don't judge or assign thoughts to your observations
I felt my fear dissipate. It didn't happen instantly, and I suspect the next time I believe he's talking to her or texting her I'll feel the same initial fear. But it did dissipate. I could literally watch it float away. I watched the insecurities, paranoia, jealousy, and fear float away as the energy moved through my body.
Then it was all over and I was perfectly fine. No drama created. No continuing suffering. No paranoia or insecurity that he might have had a conversation with his ex-wife (at the end of the conversation I actually believe it wasn't her, just based on how he was talking).
This stuff works. The teachings of Michael Singer, and others, is for real.
Stay open.
Relax and release.
Remember that everything is just energy.
Let it flow through you.
Just observe.
You don't have to attach to everything, every thought, every feeling, every idea, that pops in your head.
It's just energy... let it flow.
Flow on. :)
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