Thursday, May 9, 2013

Stay YOUR Course!

I had originally started writing on a totally different topic this morning.  I was nearly half-way finished, in fact, when something else showed up that I felt consumed to write about instead.  So I saved the other post... maybe you'll see that one tomorrow... and am starting over. 

I got on Facebook quickly to check something.  And I saw a post from the animal shelter I volunteer at... that they're hiring a part-time customer service person.  Only two days a week.  Pay is decent, for the position, and it includes benefits. 

Here is why this is so interesting to me.  I have long thought that IF a part-time position ever opened up at the shelter, I would take it.  They have had other job openings, but everything was full-time.  And I knew I didn't want full-time.  But two days a week?  Man... that's the perfect amount of work days for me.  ;) 

So here I am, faced with the job opening I had been hoping for for months now.  Yet, I'm just off my other job, which I was so relieved to be done with.  Not because it was so bad, but because I have literally been so happy to have all my time back.  To not be scheduled to do anything other than what I choose to do.  To have complete freedom with every second of every day.

And still, I'm contemplating taking another part-time job (or at least applying for this one). 

Is this insane?  You know, the whole definition of insanity... repeating the same behavior but expecting a different result... is this that?  Sometimes I think so. 


I mean, I thought I would love the florist job, and I did for a short period, but I got burned out quick.  I needed my time back.  Would that just happen again with this?  That's what I'm not sure of.  Would this be different because I am passionate about animals and I do love this shelter?  And I have wanted basically this exact job for a while now? 

Boy, the Universe is funny. 

If this shelter position had been open months ago I can almost guarantee you that I would have applied then.  Therefore, I would not have worked at the florist, most likely, because I already had a part-time job.  So perhaps the reason this shelter job wasn't available then, was because I was supposed to work at the florist. 

I definitely believe that.  I was supposed to work there.  I met some cool people and learned a lot about plants and flowers.  It's knowledge that will serve me well the rest of my life.

The timing of all this strikes me as just so interesting.  Is it happening this way because this job at the shelter is one I'm supposed to take?  Or is it happening this way to give me an opportunity to make a different choice?  To choose my time over another part-time job?  


I seriously am so conflicted right now, which is why I knew I had to write about this today, and not the other post I had started.  I think the thing to do is let it settle a bit.  My instantaneous reaction was to jump on that job before someone else does.  But if it's truly the job meant for me, it'll work out.  No need to rush. 


It feels like I have two equally attractive options. 
One:  Continue my course of having all my time to do with what I want.  Write, blog, read, etc. 
Two:  Work in a field I'm also passionate about (with animals), on a schedule that seems ideal. 

Then there's my fear.  My fear that even if I did get this shelter job, it would turn out just like all my other jobs.  I'd go for it, get it, and love it... for a while.  Then I'd get sick of it, want my time back again, and quit.  Then, it's even stickier with the shelter because I would want to continue volunteering there... so would that be weird?  I just quit, yet I'm still around. 

Those are all the thoughts in my mind right now.  All the reasons why this isn't an easy decision for me. 


What's MY course? 

Part of me feels that the shelter job, while incredibly tempting, is just that... a temptation.  Something that would, again, pull me off "my course." 

But the other part of me is just so struck at this opportunity that is literally exactly what I wanted.  Two days a week.  Decent pay.  Benefits.  At the shelter I already love.  Doing a job I know I can do well. 

Would taking the job really pull me off my course?  Pull me away from writing?  Distract me from my true calling? 

Or would it supplement my life?  Give me something structured to do just two days a week?  Give me another outlet to pursue another passion? 

A large reason I got burned out at the florist so quickly is because I went from working just two days a week to three and four days.  Four days a week, along with still a day volunteering at the animal shelter, and the day I do my grandma's breakfast, lunch, and grocery shopping... left me little to no time to write.  That's what burned me out and knew I had to walk away.

But this... this I could see working.  Maybe.  The doubt I have is preventing me from acting.  And that's a good thing.  "Doubt means don't," as Oprah always said. 

Figuring out your course and then staying that course isn't always easy.  Temptations will come along.  New, attractive opportunities will come along.  What do you do?  What choice do you make?

I think it all goes back to getting still and listening to your heart, your Spirit.  That's what I need to do.  And that's what I intend to do today.  Just sit with it.  Let the possibilities marinate inside me.  And let my Spirit speak. 



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