I had my first melt-down at my new job today. I still say "new" even though I've been there over 3 months at this point.
Fortunately I was alone in my office, with the door closed, and no one knew about it. But I knew.
This isn't unusual for me. The longer I continue down a path that it's my spiritual path, a melt-down is eminent. It's only a matter of time. I'm just a little surprised, still, at how short of a time I needed this time for the melt-down to occur.
When we're doing things that are 100% aligned with our true Self, our Spirit, our destiny...whatever you want to call it... life is great. We feel happy and at peace.
And when we do things that are out of line with our purpose or our mission in this life, we feel that too.
Usually that presents itself in the form of anger or sadness. Sometimes it's a complete melt-down/tantrum. Other times it's a slow-building sadness, depression, or general malaise or apathy for life.
Think about yourself. How do you feel after you've been doing something for some period of time that isn't what you want to be doing? Do you find that your fuse is shorter? That you're more easily prone to angry outbursts? Or do you, like me, feel like you could burst into tears at any given moment, with the slightest trigger (or sometimes no trigger at all)?
That's how I've always known, for sure, that I'm off track. The tears are my guide. My tell-tale sign.
There are things that come up in the course of life that aren't ideal. That's to be expected. There are aspects of life that you'll have to deal with that are unpleasant, unwanted, and a huge pain. And sure, sometimes those things can cause temporary sadness or anger as well. But that's not what I'm talking about.
The key word there is temporary.
Say you get in a car accident - a minor fender bender. It's the last thing you want to happen. It's a huge pain. It likely disrupts not only your day, but your week, or even longer, depending on how long it takes to get the repairs done, and deal with insurance. But then it's over.
Compare that to a relationship or a job. Those are day in-day out parts of our lives. When we're not in the right relationship or the right line of work, it will eat away at us over time. It won't go away. The feelings aren't temporary.
That's how you know. That's how I've always known, without a doubt, that a change needed to be made. When the sadness doesn't go away (at least surrounding the aspect of my life that's out of line... in other parts of my life I will likely be very happy).
I hit that point today in my job. I know. No doubt left. I am not built to work a traditional job. I'm a writer. That's when I've been truly happy and at peace with what I'm doing for a living -- when I was writing.
I had this same revelation when I realized teaching wasn't for me. I had finally found the most ideal possible teaching situation (for me anyway). And yet, the feeling that there was something else I was meant to do just wouldn't leave me. I was not happy and there was no getting around it.
I'm at that place with my current job. It's the most ideal possible job (again, for me). Yet, I can't shake that feeling that I'm meant for something more. That this just isn't it.
Have you felt that way in your life? What did you do about it? What did it take for you to realize you needed to make a change? Have you made that change yet?
I am grateful for my melt-down today because it left no doubt. When I finally do leave my job I'll be able to do it knowing it's the right decision. That I gave it a shot, and it's just not for me.
When I leave my job is still to be determined. The fact is, I still need the paycheck. And I am grateful for the steady paycheck my job provides. My intention is to remain at this job until I have secured another source of income to replace it.
When that will happen, I have no idea. I'm hoping sooner rather than later, but I am practicing faith in the Universe. Remember, everything that occurs in our lives is for us.
I have learned a great deal at my job already, in just 3 short months. And apparently I still have more to learn. I believe when we've learned the lesson, life graduates us to the next lesson.
Before I conclude this post, I want to make another point. Even when we find ourselves in situations we'd rather not be in, remember we got into them in the first place, for a reason. We had something to learn. The Universe had something to show us or teach us.
I believe I needed to learn, once and for all, that working a traditional job isn't for me. I had thought that before, but then I had my doubts. And I found myself wanting a traditional job again.
So I got one. How's that for the Universe providing for us? If I could have hand picked all the aspects of a job that I consider ideal, put them together, and come up with a single job that contained them all, I would have ended up with the job I have now. The Universe gave me exactly what I wanted.
And I learned the lesson.
That's what life's all about. Taking things one step at a time. Learning the lessons as they come up. And continuing to learn and grow into the person we're ultimately here to be.
As long as we remain open. As long as we continue to learn. As long as we return to love, and focus on all that is Love in our lives... We will be just fine.
Let the melt-downs be the indicators in your life that they're intended to be. Don't beat yourself up for them. Accept them. Allow them. Use them.
Melt-downs are just a sign pointing us where we need to go.
Stay Open and Live in Love.
In Peace and Love,