Paying the Bills

Bills.  We've all got 'em.  And if we want to continue living the way we're accustomed to, we've gotta pay 'em.  That's the "new" mindset I'm taking on in regards to my current job.

It's certainly nothing new.  People have been "working to pay the bills" for centuries.  But for me it is new because I haven't believed in living this way.  Until now.  And even now, I'm still on the fence about it.

I would love it if I made ample income through the sales of my fiction novels.  That is the ultimate dream and goal.  But, the reality is, I am not at that point yet.

This was a hard pill to swallow when I realized I wasn't "making it" through book sales alone and I needed to find another job to bring in some money.  I felt embarrassed.  I had been telling people for over two years, "I'm a writer now!"  It had taken a while to get used to announcing that, and now that I had, I could no longer claim that that was my sole profession.

But I'm coming to two realizations about that.
1) I can still say, "I'm a writer."  I can still proclaim that as my profession.  It's still true... and no one needs to know it's not my primary source of income.  After all, is income alone the sole decider of what is one's professional title?  I think not.
2) There's no shame in working a "regular job" while pursuing your dream at the same time.

I always thought, at least to some degree, that people who pursued their passions on the side weren't that passionate about it.  If they were, they'd jump in with both feet.  Dive in head first.  Really go for it.

I see things differently now.  I see that sometimes our life circumstances dictate the choices we make.

So that's the "new" mindset I am approaching my job with these days.  Instead of thinking, "I have to go to work now," I think about it as, "I'm going to pay the bills now."  My work is still my writing.  

Job = paying the bills (temporarily... as long as it's necessary)
Work = my life's work, passion, heart's interest (for me, writing)

It's a small delineation, but, surprise surprise, for the writer in me, word choice makes a difference.

I have also given myself permission to just do my job.  By that I mean, I am working on accepting that it's just a job, and its purpose is to pay the bills.  It's not my passion.  It's not my Spirit's and Heart's desire.  So I needn't give it the time and heart space as if it were.

When I first started my job I devoted a lot of time, energy, and attention to it.  I worked well over the required amount of hours each week.  I directed countless thoughts towards job-related things.  It was new, it was exciting, I was happy with that.

Until I wasn't.  As I've mentioned in previous posts recently, it didn't take too long for my true Spirit to surface and realize, yet again, that this job was not my passion and dream.  Yet I still wasn't at the financial point that I could quit the job and live off my writing.  That simply isn't feasible right now.

So I've come to an understanding.  I can and will devote the necessary amount of time, energy, and attention to performing the tasks of my job sufficiently.  I still take pride in what I do and always want to do and be the best I can be.  But I'm cutting myself some slack.  I'm learning how to do my job, but not make my life revolve around my job.

It's a learning process for me.  I'm used to giving all of myself to whatever pursuit I'm currently pursuing.  That is natural for me.  But I notice I am finding more peace in my current situation, the more I give less of myself to my job, in order to have more of myself to give to my dream.

It's not ideal.  But it's workable.  I'm still hopeful that it'll be temporary (hey, all of life is temporary). I have no idea how long I'll need to continue at this job, or any job, until I've built up sufficient readership and following as a writer.  That may never happen.  But I choose to believe that it will.

I don't believe we would have the desires, passions, and dreams that we have if it weren't possible for us.

What desires, passions, and dreams do you have?  Are you pursuing them?  If not, why not?  And if not, is there a way you can pursue them, even on a small scale right now?

Every step counts.  Every action is important.  Everything you do now sets up your future.

I am setting up my financial future at the moment by doing my job.  And I am setting up my dream future by continuing to write and looking for ways to grow that business.

Continue to grow!

In peace and love,
Sarah