Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Someone pressed the pause button!

Have you ever felt stuck? 

That's a rhetorical question because we all have. 

But have you ever questioned your dream? 

Things were going great.  You were doing what you wanted.  Or at least, you knew what you wanted to be doing and had a plan to get there.  Then all of a sudden that momentum stopped.  The drive you had before was simply gone.  Have you felt this way? 

I'm there now.  I'm feeling stuck.  In a rut, spinning my wheels, or more accurately, not spinning anything.  Just sitting there. 

I feel like I should be doing something, but don't know what it is.  Like someone pressed the "pause" button on my life and I'm just waiting for them to hit "play." 

The current novel I'm working on has been sitting on my computer, just waiting for the final read-through and publishing.  It's just there, waiting on me.  Really, it could have been done before New Year's.  That was my goal.  Then I let it go.  I let the time slip by and chose not to work on it.  Why?  I don't know. 

I'm feeling discouraged by my slow rate of success.  Financial success.  I admit it.  It's been a year and a half since I quit my job and decided to make writing my full-time career.  A year and a half of no other job than my writing (well, except for work I do for my grandmother a couple days a week).  I know that's not much time for the average writer to make a living from his/her writing.  I know many great writers have gone much, much longer without financial accolades.  Still, it's starting to worry me.  It's making me doubt and question.  Am I on the right path?  Am I doing the right thing?

Have you been there?

So the question now is what to do.  At the very least, I'm feeling like I need to do something.  I need an income.  More than what I'm currently bringing in through the work I do for my grandma and the little I do make from the books I have published so far. 

I did get hired as seasonal help at a florist for these few weeks leading up to Valentine's Day.  I'm grateful for that, and actually enjoy working there.  I've never worked with flowers before, so this is something new and different.  I like that. 

I'm just in a "blah" period right now.  I know it'll pass.  Everything does.  I'm reminded of the "Contraction/Expansion" blog post by Kate Swoboda on The Daily Love blog.
(If you haven't read it, you can check it out here:

I feel that I've been in a contraction period for the past couple of days.  All I've wanted to do is work on my jigsaw puzzle (yes, I really do like puzzles) or watch a movie.  I'm struggling with not being productive, and not feeling productive or creative in the least.  Yet, I'm trying to be patient with myself.  Something's in there, it just has to come to the surface.  Something is about to happen, I just don't know what yet. 

Take a deep breath.  (I'm talking to myself here, but you can do it too.) 
Everything will be just fine.       

Quotes of the Day:

“The problem, often not discovered until late in life, is that when you look for things in life like love, meaning, motivation, it implies they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation. For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you."  (Neil deGrasse Tyson)

“Get going. Move forward. Aim High. Plan a takeoff. Don't just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won't happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you'll love it up here.”   (Donald Trump)


  1. Hi Sarah, your post could not have come at a better time. I feel EXACTLY the same way. Stuck. And I also feel a little bit lost (not that you do, but I am experiencing this feeling as well). I do think a lot about the "starving artist" mentality, which I know is a limited belief, but the concept does seem to have some truth in it. I am exploring what my heart desires, and I keep going back and forth between art and jewelry design. But. I need money to educated myself to develop my skills in these areas further. I also feel afraid of not having enough money. That's when I start to envy that paycheck that I used to bring in. Sometimes I just think I should play small, go back to teaching, and do the creative endeavors on the side. I'm trying to focus on what my highest Self is saying. I KNOW I need to honor my heart or I won't be happy. Lately I find myself envying those people who just "have a job" and are comfortable financially. But I know that I want more than that. This road is just harder that's all. I don't like feeling confused. I strive for clarity, and I don't really have that yet. I will in a few months after I experiment with some art classes, or when I get another job.

    I think that it's great that you are forgiving of where you are right now. And that you KNOW it will pass. Today, I feel a bit pessimistic, but that's just today. Tomorrow I will choose to have faith. My marriage isn't doing that great, either, (sigh). At least you have your autonomy - LOL.

    I really enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to seeing how things come together for you. Would you ever want to do private tutoring? That's a way of earning some extra income ... and since you were a teacher, you would really have the credentials to do it. Just an idea. I plan on tutoring pretty soon, so we'll see how it goes.

    Hang in there. You are an inspiration, and it's nice to see how organic and authentic you are in this blog. It's helped me in my journey as well.

  2. Marielle,
    Thank you for your comment! I love your comments... they make me think and show me that others ARE identifying with what I'm saying. :)

    On the tutoring, I have thought about it, but don't feel the call in my heart to pursue it. It sounds awful, but I don't care to tutor anyone (right now anyway). I think I'm so done with the whole education thing in general that I feel I need to stay away from that. I also thought about subbing again, which has been my fall-back job since I was 21 years old. But for the same reasons I feel I need to stay away from schools right now. (Just where my heart is, personally...has nothing to do with the school shootings as of late or anything like that.)

    Also, I want to say I'm sorry to hear your marriage is shaky right now. Listen to your heart in that as well, and have faith that the Universe is giving this to you for a reason right now.

    I, too, have been envying people with nice paychecks lately. And I think back to when I was a teacher, or ASL interpreter, and making the best paychecks of my life (so far!). Part of me definitely wants that... the steady, more-than-enough-for-me-right-now paychecks... but like you said, I know it's not my heart's calling. I was miserable in those jobs. Not at first, but once I knew it wasn't for me. I knew I had to get out, even if it meant giving up the steady money and nice benefits.
    So yes, I feel you there! It's scary out here!

    I actually really like working at the florist. I've just been working there two days a week, for two weeks now. And at least will be through Valentine's Day. After that, I don't know, but I would like to stay on if they need people. It'll probably be even less than twice a week, b/c they're just not as busy during "off" times. But I like having something to go do. I've loved staying home and writing the past year and a half. But I'm getting that itch to get out there and DO something. I'm opening myself up to possibilities from the Universe. There has been a full-time job opening at the Humane Society I volunteer at, but I know that would be too much. I would like something part-time. The florist is great, so I'll ride that wave and see where it takes me. :) I'm also considering writing a book about all the jobs I've had in my life. I think that'll be my next writing endeavor, but I want to finish the one that's been sitting, waiting, ever so patiently, for too long now, first. Yet, I still don't have the desire to work on it. This is baffling to me, but I'm really trying to respect my feelings and go where my energy leads me. :)

    I know you will be just fine! (Isn't it funny how we can look at OTHER people and see how ok THEY are, but then worry about our own situations?) I wish you the best with the jewelry design and/or art. I believe you'll know which to pursue (or both), and the necessary circumstances will come together with the time is right (i.e. money). I really do believe that. :)