I'm here, day 2 post-break-up. Feeling a mixture of sadness, grief, love, and excitement. I'm still a little surprised at how quickly it happened. The Universe really does listen, I know that for sure!
While I had been having doubts that the person I was with was the right person for me, or if we were really a good match together, I let it go. I didn't actively pursue a way out of the relationship. It wasn't bad enough to leave, nor was I unhappy enough. The good outweighed the bad.
Over time, that scale began to shift. Things were never 100% bad, 0% good. Or even 90% bad, 10% good. At the time of the break-up, I'd say it was probably 51% bad, 49% good. That's why it was so hard and confusing. But it was that final tip of the scale, where the bad outweighed the good, even if ever so slightly, that prompted me to write what I wrote in my journal on Sunday, January 6th. Just 3 days ago. 2 days before the break-up.
"I'm feeling strongly that I want to live alone. Again. I want my house back. My life..... I want to be single again. On my own. Just me. I want all of [my boyfriend's] stuff out of my house. I want [his dog] out of my house. I love [the dog], but it's so much more relaxed without him. Same with [my boyfriend]. I do love him, but I feel like it's time to move on. I don't feel like we're growing together. I feel like we're evolving at different rates. I feel like he's holding me back."
That was Sunday. On Monday, when my boyfriend returned from out of town, he noticed two things that were different. His towel, which is usually hanging in the bathroom, was in the closet. And his cup, usually sitting on the kitchen counter, I had put in the cabinet. It's funny because I had put away some of his things to give myself a taste of living alone. I thought I put it all back out before he got home, but I forgot those 2 little things. It was enough though. He noticed, and he asked if "there was something we needed to talk about." I nodded.
I had expected that we'd talk, and he might move out, eventually. A week. A month even. But he started packing that day and the next day, he got his family to come get most of his stuff. He's returning today to get hopefully the rest. But the speed at which the break-up and moving out actually occurred took me by surprise.
The Universe really does listen, and when it's right, it ACTS. Fast!
This has happened multiple other times in my life, and I'm sure it's happened with many of you. I'd like to share another, relationship-based request to the Universe that came true for me.
I was in college and hadn't had a serious boyfriend yet. I wanted one. But I knew I wasn't ready to get married. So I asked the Universe (or God) to please give me a short-term relationship. Nothing too serious. Nothing long-term. But please bring me someone who I like, and who likes me, and we can spend time together.
That's just what I got. Not long after my plea (I don't remember exactly how long, though I probably have my journals from then, I could check), I met a guy at a party. It was a very random meeting. I hadn't planned to go to this party that I heard about through a friend. At the last minute I found someone to go with, and went. I saw this guy at the party and just wanted to dance with him. We did, and then we ended up talking for hours afterwards. He later told me that he almost didn't go to the party either. He wasn't a big partier at the time. But his friends dragged him along. And when he started dancing with me, he certainly never anticipated the connection that would ensue.
Long story short (or shorter anyway), we "dated" (if you could call it that...it was college) off and on for a couple of years. It was very relaxed. No formal committments. No official obligations. It was just what I asked for. Only, once I got it, I wanted more. I wanted a committment. I wanted long-term. Or so I thought. But, I didn't get it then, and it was what it was. Just what I needed at that time in my life.
I was thinking back to when I started saying affirmations about a new long-term romantic relationship in my life. It was before I met my boyfriend (now ex). I had been single for at least 3 years, if not longer. I felt I was ready. I talked in another post about the changes I made in my house to get ready for someone else to live here. I also said an affirmation, which I repeated countless times. "I'm so happy and grateful now that I'm in a fun, loving, happy, committed, long-term romantic relationship with an amazing guy." I believe that was the exact affirmation as it started out. I added a few more adjectives later on. But I distinctly remember at the time, debating on if I should say "long-term" or "life-long." I remember wavering between the two. Which did I want? I know I said the affirmation with both terms at different times. "Life-long" kind of scared me, to be honest. But "long-term" sounded good. Safer. Less scary. Besides, long-term could mean life-long.
I got what I asked for. I got a long-term relationship. Two years may not be long to some of you, but it's long to me. The longest relationship I'd had prior to this one (without a break, and then getting back together, which happened a couple times) was 6 months. So 2 years is a decent jump for me. Not to mention living with the guy too. Talk about committment. Yes, not as committed as marriage, but I believe the next closest thing.
So the Universe listens! You will get what you ask for, as long as it's in your best interest, and/or you have something you need to learn.
I definitely believe this most recent relationship needed to be. I also believe the break-up needed to be too. How could I say otherwise? I got what I asked for, both in starting a new relationship, and ending one. The Universe has my back. I know that. It wouldn't give me something I couldn't handle, or wasn't supposed to experience.
I'm still in the "missing my boyfriend" phase. It's only day 2, after all. I can be patient with myself. I'm reminding myself of why I felt the need to get out and why I doubted us working out all along.
The Universe is listening. Ask for what you want and you just might get it! Then, and this is key, trust that what you got, is, in fact, what you needed too.
Quotes of the Day:
"While it's often fashionable to dwell upon what might have been, what's usually overlooked is that really and truly, it couldn't have. Because, invariably, any romanticized versions of how things 'might have been,' are based upon fictionalized versions of the past. You see, most of the time when people think the present could have been different than it is, it's because they think the past was different than it was. Happily the future can still be anything, when you surrender the details (and who has to do what)." (tut.com)
"The trick with courage is realizing that it isn't so much about overcoming fear, as it is about not settling for less." (tut.com)
"Baby souls follow. Young souls lead. But old souls are happy to dance alone." (tut.com)
"Resist the temptation to base today's decisions upon today's facts and circumstances, which are little more than what remains of yesterday's decisions. Instead, base them upon the facts and circumstances as they will inevitably be once your dreams have already come true." (tut.com)