I'm in love with hope. You know how some people say, "I love love?" Well, I love hope.
I realized this last night while reading from "Eat, Pray, Love." The author, Liz Gilbert, was talking about finding "her word." A single word that embodies who she is. Antevasin. That's her word. It means (in case you've never heard of that word before, like me) "'one who lives at the border.'" This could refer to physically living on a border of something. Or spiritually being on the border between beliefs. Or, as Liz states, living on that "line between your old thinking and your new understanding, always in a state of learning."
Anyway, that's her word, and as I read that chapter last night it suddenly popped in my head that my word may very well be "hope."
It dawned on me that maybe that's why I always get the urge to leave jobs or relationships. It's the hope of something else. Something better. The pursuit.
If I've found what I'm looking for, then the pursuit is over. There's no more hoping to find it. Hoping I like it (the job) or him (the guy I'm meeting in an hour). It's done. Signed, sealed, delivered. Done.
No! (Screams my spirit...it's NOT done!) I need change. New horizons. New topics. New courses of study - be that a person to get to know or a job to learn. That's me. It's how I've always been. That's what I thrive on.
I honestly feel at my best when I'm making a change. I'm excited. Eager. Hopeful.
Without change every now and then, I start to feel stagnant. Like I'm dying a little each day, instead of living and growing.
But when I decide to make a change, or when something changes that perhaps is out of my control, I suddenly feel alive again! I feel the growth happening.
It's like the first quote below, by Robert Louis Stevenson. "I travel not to go anywhere, but to go... The great affair is to move." I feel that way about life in general. The great affair, for me, is learning new things, having new experiences, and hoping for what's about to come into my life that I do not yet know.
Will I ever "settle down" with one person? I have no idea.
Will I ever stick with one job for more than a couple years? Only time will tell.
But this is my life. If I feel energized by change and doing new things, then that's what I need to be doing! That's who I am. I believe we all need to be true to ourselves, whoever that is, and just be who we are. No apologies.
I recently read somewhere that it is in being true to ourselves that we find our greatest power.
Be you! Do what you do.
I'm finding now that I feel free. Sort of like I've unlocked a door. Obviously I've always known that I like to learn new things. But to actually accept that as a part of who I am, and not feel bad when I feel the desire to move on and learn something else.... I haven't had that before.
I've always felt like I should figure out what I want to do "with the rest of my life" and get on with doing it. Likewise with finding a mate. I always thought I'd meet someone, fall in love, and be happy with that person from the time I was 25 until I died. Didn't happen. And now I see that it's ok. It didn't happen because that's not me. That's not what was meant for me, as I came into this life.
Of course there's nothing wrong with those of you who do find the love of your life at a young age and spend 50+ years together. Or those of you who really do know what you want to do for the rest of your life, and then do it, happily. That's great. I admire those people. At times I've wished I was one of those people. But I'm not. I'm me. And I love change.
Here's to hoping!
Quotes of the Day:
"I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move." (Robert Louis Stevenson)
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." (Albert Einstein)
"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all." (Emily Dickinson)
"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." (Joseph Addison)