"You think you're being broken, but you're really being broken open," Jane Fonda.
I absolutely love that quote. I've had it in my phone ever since I heard Jane Fonda say it on an Oprah show months and months ago.
Last night I was really missing my ex-boyfriend. Or rather, I should say, I was missing the 'him' that I wished he was. I missed the idea of him. The good parts of him and of us.
I had watched a really strange, and not very good, movie and afterwards felt really lonely for some reason. The movie wasn't a romantic one, far from it. But watching movies was one of the things I most enjoyed doing with my boyfriend. Especially thought-provoking ones like the one I watched last night. Yet, last night, after the movie, I had no one to talk about it with. I think that's where the lonliness crept in.
I decided then to write in my journal. Get it out. That always helps. And it did. Though I still missed him.
I began to wonder if I'd ever meet anyone I connected with again. If I'd ever have another intimate relationship. If I'd ever meet someone who was as enthralled by me as I was with him.
This is the funny thing though. When I was with my boyfriend, towards the end, all I wanted was to be unattached. And even in the weeks after we broke up, I relished being single and free again. I even could see myself never getting in another romantic relationship again in my life. By choice.
That's my dilemma. Maybe dilemma isn't the right word. But it's like I'm equal parts, "I want to be with someone" and "I want to be alone." I'm not sure what to do with that.
I realize, though, that I don't have to know what to do with that. All I need to do is live my life. Go in the direction that calls to me. Do what sounds fun and interesting. The Universe will take care of the rest.
But back to the main topic: Breaking Open!
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
The Universe provides for us at all times.
Everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes we need a break-up or a break-down, in order to open ourselves up to even more growth, opportunity, peace, and love. Sometimes we've gone as far as we can go, grown as much as we're going to grow, in a given relationship (or in a certain job). The only thing that will propel us forward is a break.
A break, which opens our walls, opens our life, opens our experience to let something, or someone else, in.
I have no idea what my future holds. I ended the most stable relationship I've ever had. But I like to believe there is more to life than mere stability. There's more to life than being with someone because 1) they want to be with you and/or 2) you don't want to be alone.
That reminds me of the Sugarland song, "Something More."
"You can't have a better tomorrow if you don't stop thinking about yesterday."
It's time to move on. For me, and maybe for you too. It's sad when things don't work out like you thought they would, or like you wanted them to. But it is what it is.
See it as it is, not how you want it to be.
Then accept it, hold your head high, and go forward in life in peace and love. I guarantee you more love will come to you if you do that.
(I'm listening to my own advice right now.)
*The last of the three quotes below made me smile. Yep, I think my ship is setting sail and my boyfriend joined the inland circus! (Or actually, I think he was always in the circus, I was just trying to convince him to jump aboard my boat.) I need to accept that some people are inland-circus people and other people are boat-sailing people. That's just how it is.
**All quotes today from www.goodreads.com.
Quotes of the Day:
“You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It won't happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life.” (Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential)
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?” (Mary Manin Morrissey)
“Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You're aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can't be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn't be.” (C. JoyBell C.)