1) Letting it all go -- all the stuff (literally and figuratively) and
2) We all have a natural pace in which we move. Move on your own pace when growing and moving forward.
First the stuff... My boyfriend (I promise I'll stop talking about him soon) came over on Thursday evening to pick up the very last of his stuff he had in my house. He had a rather large table/TV stand sitting in my basement that he hadn't been able to fit when he moved the rest of his furniture and stuff out the first time. He borrowed his dad's truck and asked if he could come by Thursday night after work to get it. I said sure.
In the week prior, we hadn't talked much. He sent me one friendly, conversational text, to which I didn't respond. No hard feelings, I'm just trying to let him go. This is coming off of the last time we did hang out, and it came out that basically any romantic "rekindling" he was trying to do wasn't going to happen.
So anyway, this table has been sitting in my basement and I walk by it when I go down to do laundry, but didn't really think about it. Actually, I had thought that maybe he left it there on purpose, that he didn't want it anymore, so I was starting to consider it my table. But, he came to get it.
When he was here it was a little awkward. We had a short "how have you been" conversation, but he was only here about 10 minutes. And when he left, for the first time since he moved out, he didn't suggest any future hang-outs. He didn't offer any suggestions to get together next weekend, to go to lunch, or anything, like he had been doing the past two months.
An interesting thing happened once he left, with his table. I felt a shift. Like a click, inside, that now I can move on.
I didn't think his stuff being in my house, especialy one single table, not loads of stuff, would hold that much energy. But I definitely felt it once the table, and my boyfriend, had left my home. I felt clearer. Free-er. Lighter. And I still feel it now. I'm excited!
Ok, on to the second topic I wanted to touch on... moving at your own pace.
I tend to move on quite quickly, generally speaking. I can be terribly upset, distraught, and sobbing about something being over, and then two or three days later you'd never know I had gone through any loss at all.
With past relationships, I would be over the guy within a couple days and back to my normal, happy, positive self. And this time seems to be the same.
I was with my most recent boyfriend for two years and three months. Two entire years of that, we lived together. It was by far the most serious relationship I've been in to date. Even as I told him I wanted him to move out, half of me still could see myself marrying this guy. Yet, sitting here now, especially now that my ex has gotten the last of his stuff and I know I may never hear from him again (there's no reason to), I feel just fine. Content, happy, at peace.
Granted, we've actually been broken up two months now. But with the exception of a couple sad, lonely days, I felt pretty fine pretty quickly after the intial break-up.
I still feel the loss. I still, at times, sort of miss him. I miss having someone to go out to eat with and watch movies with. I miss the idea of him more than anything.
I realize this may make me sound cold-hearted. Like, how can I move on so quickly after such a serious relationship ended? But I know I'm not cold-hearted, I just bounce back quickly. I know how to move on.
Ok, here's the interesting part, and why I brought this up. Last night I was at a fundraising event for Mended Hearts -- a charity that helps injured and special needs shelter animals. They had free tarot card readings from a guy who used to do this as his business (so he *hopefully* knows what he's doing).
Now, I don't know if you believe in tarot cards, psychics, or any of that. If you don't, that's perfectly fine. I wouldn't say I'd base major life decisions around it, but I do think there's something to it.
Anyway, during my reading, in which I've spoken very little and given this guy no information about my life whatsoever, he tells me I've recently cut someone from my life and while I feel the loss, I'm moving on quickly. Yes! He actually said that... in a more roundabout way, and through several cards that came up, but that was it in a nutshell.
He also told me it's ok to move on. That what's the point in holding on to something when you know it's not going to work out? He said that's pretty much how I run my life -- I move quickly, and sometimes can jump into things, but the quicker I move, the quicker I'll know if something's not right, and then I'll move right on.
Yep. That pretty much sums me up.
He also said that other people probably don't get me, or understand how I can be the way I am (especially with the jumping into things and moving on so quickly). I feel that way too.
Before I left, he asked if I had any final questions or things on my mind. I brought up how I was most up in the air about my career (I didn't say what). How I felt the need for a change, or like I wanted to do something, but I didn't know what.
He nodded, thought a minute, and then said now that "this person" is out of my life, and I'll really be moving on, the inspiration will come back. That lately I've been somewhat in a holding pattern, but soon I'll be out of that and forging on ahead.
Alright, I thought. While he didn't tell me anything eerie or super super specific (you just broke up with your boyfriend, whose name is ______, and....), what he did say really fit what's going on in my life right now. I could relate to everything he said.
Another interesting tidbit is very early in the reading, he was telling me how I basically kicked someone out of my life, and he compared it to a kid being sent to the principal's office for being bad in class. Then he looked at me and said, "Are you a teacher?"
Maybe I just give off a "teacher-y vibe" or something, but funnily enough I was a teacher for years.
So... the moral of this blog (there's the teacher in me coming out, lol), is to realize everything carries energy. All the "stuff" carries an energy and oftentimes, to really move on, we need to get rid of the stuff. And move at your own pace. Maybe it takes you weeks to feel back to normal or to feel happy again after losing a job or ending a relationship. That's ok! That is, as long as you're not continually drudging it up, re-living it, and keeping yourself in that unhappy, not-moved-on place on purpose. Or maybe you're like me and a day or two later feel perfectly fine. That's ok too. Don't let anyone tell you different.
Go through your own process. Do what feels right to you. It doesn't matter if other people think you're moving too fast or too slow. Be you! Do what YOU need to do. And whatever that is, remember to be kind to you too. Show yourself love and appreciation, especially through the trying times. Be you, and be there for you.
*All quotes below are from www.wonderful-quotes.com.
Quotes of the Day:
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." (Anatole France)
"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."
(Gail Sheehy)
"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts." (Arnold Bennett)
Sarah, way to go for being able to keep perspective in difficult times. It seems like you have a good "top down" view of yourself and your life. Some people have a really hard time making it past the tree line during difficult times.
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