Thursday, December 27, 2012

Don't be a victim.

I play the innocent, naive card well.  "I didn't know..."   "I was just saying..." 
Imagine these words being spoken with wide eyes and eyebrows raised. 

Does that sound familiar? 

As I was laying in bed last night about to drift off to sleep I realized this is the ticket I use to clear myself of any oncoming argument or to dodge someone's possible annoyance at what I did or said. 

That's the card I play.  Way too much.

This came to mind as I recalled a few recent discussions/would-be arguments with my boyfriend.  I'm so non-confrontational and avoid conflict whenever possible.  If I even suspect that he won't like what I have to say, I play one of the above cards.  I use it in an attempt to soften what's about to come out of my mouth. 

While I don't believe there's anything wrong with doing this, I've been using these tactics as a way to hide.  Show weakness so perhaps the other person will have sympathy for me and not attack. 

I need to be strong!  Stand in my truth!  Say what I have to say with conviction and power.  Be me! 

If someone else is going to respond with anger, annoyance, or defensiveness, I need to accept and face that.  It's their reaction, not mine.  I control my own actions.  No matter what I do or how I say something, another person will respond and react however they choose.

I've also noticed something else about myself.  In discussion/would-be arguments with people, the times when I don't speak my truth, or water things down way too much, I don't feel very good about myself.  I feel weak.  But the times when I have said what's really on my mind and simply didn't care how the other person would react, I feel better about myself.  I feel strong.  I know I stood up for myself just then. 

I think that's the thing.  When I don't say what I really want to say (and keep in mind, this does not include saying mean, cruel things just because you think them), I feel alone and unsupported.  This is because I'm not supporting myself

The times when I have said what I wanted to say, even if a confrontation ensued, I walk away feeling confident and good about what just happened.  I supported myself.  I was there for me

Be you, not a victim! 

Quotes of the Day:

"Don't become a victim of yourself.  Forget about the thief waiting in the alley; what about the thief in your mind?"  (Jim Rohn)

"Never be bullied into silence.  Never allow yourself to be made a victim.  Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."  (Harvey S. Firestone)



  1. Hi Sarah! I totally agree about not being a victim. I also used to try to avoid conflict and even be passive aggressive, but I learned over time that I wasn't being myself. And I didn't feel powerful. Kudos to you for standing in your truth and being you!!!

    Also, just wanted to say thank you for your feedback on my previous comment. It was really encouraging. The part about Suze Orman was also really helpful. It's hard not to feel old, but you're right - 35 is NOT to old to start over, no age is too old. I just get so freaked out sometimes about finances and the future .... I am learning to trust. I just spent the holidays with some relatives who are very financially minded, and I'm finding that I have been second-guessing myself about leaving my well-paying counseling job at the school district. But I was just so UNHAPPY there. For so many reasons. Thank you for encouraging me to take the leap, even now as I second guess myself. But in the heart of my Soul, I know I made the right decision. I will just have to take your advice and try something else and see what happens!! Thanks again!!! You are really inspirational. :)

    1. Marielle,

      Wow, thank you!!

      Also, I completely believe that when we're unhappy, we're not reaching our full potential. You were probably a great counselor, but by not enjoying it, or at least by not being as happy as you could be, you weren't being the best YOU you were meant to be. I felt the same when I worked as a teacher. I cared about my students, but just was unhappy being there. I knew they deserved someone who at least WANTED to be a teacher and was passionate about it.

      When we're unhappy it's our spirit telling us sometihng's not right. So again, I commend you for listening to that voice, respecting your feelings, and taking the leap into the unknown. It WILL work out for the best! :)