I play the innocent, naive card well. "I didn't know..." "I was just saying..."
Imagine these words being spoken with wide eyes and eyebrows raised.
Does that sound familiar?
As I was laying in bed last night about to drift off to sleep I realized this is the ticket I use to clear myself of any oncoming argument or to dodge someone's possible annoyance at what I did or said.
That's the card I play. Way too much.
This came to mind as I recalled a few recent discussions/would-be arguments with my boyfriend. I'm so non-confrontational and avoid conflict whenever possible. If I even suspect that he won't like what I have to say, I play one of the above cards. I use it in an attempt to soften what's about to come out of my mouth.
While I don't believe there's anything wrong with doing this, I've been using these tactics as a way to hide. Show weakness so perhaps the other person will have sympathy for me and not attack.
I need to be strong! Stand in my truth! Say what I have to say with conviction and power. Be me!
If someone else is going to respond with anger, annoyance, or defensiveness, I need to accept and face that. It's their reaction, not mine. I control my own actions. No matter what I do or how I say something, another person will respond and react however they choose.
I've also noticed something else about myself. In discussion/would-be arguments with people, the times when I don't speak my truth, or water things down way too much, I don't feel very good about myself. I feel weak. But the times when I have said what's really on my mind and simply didn't care how the other person would react, I feel better about myself. I feel strong. I know I stood up for myself just then.
I think that's the thing. When I don't say what I really want to say (and keep in mind, this does not include saying mean, cruel things just because you think them), I feel alone and unsupported. This is because I'm not supporting myself.
The times when I have said what I wanted to say, even if a confrontation ensued, I walk away feeling confident and good about what just happened. I supported myself. I was there for me.
Be you, not a victim!
Quotes of the Day:
"Don't become a victim of yourself. Forget about the thief waiting in the alley; what about the thief in your mind?" (Jim Rohn)
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself." (Harvey S. Firestone)