Don't be a victim.

I play the innocent, naive card well.  "I didn't know..."   "I was just saying..." 
Imagine these words being spoken with wide eyes and eyebrows raised. 

Does that sound familiar? 

As I was laying in bed last night about to drift off to sleep I realized this is the ticket I use to clear myself of any oncoming argument or to dodge someone's possible annoyance at what I did or said. 

That's the card I play.  Way too much.

This came to mind as I recalled a few recent discussions/would-be arguments with my boyfriend.  I'm so non-confrontational and avoid conflict whenever possible.  If I even suspect that he won't like what I have to say, I play one of the above cards.  I use it in an attempt to soften what's about to come out of my mouth. 

While I don't believe there's anything wrong with doing this, I've been using these tactics as a way to hide.  Show weakness so perhaps the other person will have sympathy for me and not attack. 

I need to be strong!  Stand in my truth!  Say what I have to say with conviction and power.  Be me! 

If someone else is going to respond with anger, annoyance, or defensiveness, I need to accept and face that.  It's their reaction, not mine.  I control my own actions.  No matter what I do or how I say something, another person will respond and react however they choose.

I've also noticed something else about myself.  In discussion/would-be arguments with people, the times when I don't speak my truth, or water things down way too much, I don't feel very good about myself.  I feel weak.  But the times when I have said what's really on my mind and simply didn't care how the other person would react, I feel better about myself.  I feel strong.  I know I stood up for myself just then. 

I think that's the thing.  When I don't say what I really want to say (and keep in mind, this does not include saying mean, cruel things just because you think them), I feel alone and unsupported.  This is because I'm not supporting myself. 

The times when I have said what I wanted to say, even if a confrontation ensued, I walk away feeling confident and good about what just happened.  I supported myself.  I was there for me. 

Be you, not a victim! 


Quotes of the Day:

"Don't become a victim of yourself.  Forget about the thief waiting in the alley; what about the thief in your mind?"  (Jim Rohn)

"Never be bullied into silence.  Never allow yourself to be made a victim.  Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."  (Harvey S. Firestone)